Hello from sunny Florida! Well, cloudy right now, but I’m sure the sun will come out very soon. I woke up this morning and realized it’s my tiny human’s birthday. Two years ago at this time I was going through one of the biggest storms of my life. I was laying in a hospital bed. My water had broke the morning before and I was patiently waiting to reach at least 32 weeks to have my little one. This day was like any other in the hospital. I watched lots of tv, hung out with my husband, cried about how exhausted I was and had a few visitors. My brother and sister in law had visited and we laughed and had a nice time. Little did I know with in the next four hours I would have my tiny human. I remember thinking as my contractions strengthened that I couldn’t do this. It had hit me that I wasn’t get the help of an epidural and this was happening and happening soon. I can’t do it. I remember thinking it over and over. Yet, here I sit with my beautiful two year old. God brought me through.
I think back to the NICU and remember going home and crying in his nursery. The nursery he hadn’t been in yet and thinking. I can’t do this. It was so hard visiting him and having to go home, and the emotional rollercoaster we were on was a lot. Again, I kept thinking, I can’t do this. Yet, my tiny human is running around just like any other tiny human and life is normal. God brought him through.
After leaving the hospital and being home I felt like things should be “normal.” People kept saying, he’s home and healthy, that’s great. Yet my heart didn’t feel great. I was struggling with PTSD and a heavy case of depression. I would lay in bed at noon with my tiny human cradled in my arms thinking I can’t get out of bed. I can’t do it. But with God’s guidance, I found the help I needed, got out of bed and on with my life. Again, God brought me through it.
So, today, two years later, it’s easy for me to look at life and when hard times come up think I can’t do it. Being a mom is hard. It pushes me past my limits and I sit and think I can’t do this. I watch all of you wonderful moms care for and love your children and feel less then wonderful. Again, I find myself thinking, I can’t do this.
But mommas, let me tell you over the past two years I’ve learned I can do it. God will bring me through. I may not mother just like that girl on Facebook mothers and that’s ok. My life may be a little bit crazier and more out of order then my mom friend on Instagram. It’s my life and God has plans for it beyond what I can imagine. A plan uniquely mine. Through my biggest storm two years ago, I have the biggest blessing of my life. My tiny human. Never could I have imagined how much joy he’d bring my life and my family.
Happy Birthday, tiny human. You don’t even know what a birthday is today and all you care about is “go sand.” But I hope you have wonderful second birthday. I love you!